Posts tagged ‘abandonment’

2012/10/24

Abandoned

by mdjb

Tuesday night, I sat in the absolute darkness of what is jokingly called my living room and lit a single candle. When I realized I was becoming mesmerized by the tiny ovoid flame, I blew it out.
My left temple ached, and I could feel my hands trembling because I knew Lilith was not coming back. I could live alone if I wanted to, but the truth is I have accustomed myself to falling asleep by aping the rhythm of her breathing, so I thought it best to search for a battery for the louder ticking, but currently disused Baby Ben. No matches remaining and no torch at hand, I patted the dusty shelves of the catchall bookcase in the alcove hoping to reuse one of the not discarded Duracells.
I heard a plunk, which had to be the candle falling off its dish and rolling toward some place even darker than my mood. I could still smell its smoldering scent.
Unable to smoke my last cigarette, I sat and tried to doze off until I could function properly in the clarity of dawn, but sleep would not come.
When I could see my way upstairs and find something to wear, I would attempt to review my meager finances and perhaps get out and pay part of the electric or phone bill.
I told myself, morning, if it ever did, could not arrive soon enough. I knew the sun would rise eventually, and nothing in my solitary existence would be illuminated.